How to Create a Distraction

There is a secret to creating a distraction that no one ever tells you. It’s not written down in books of warfare, and it’s not something you pick up on the streets. It is so peculiarly perfect that the only way it could possibly have come about was through the minds of the average.

This is how it works:

The key to distraction—to keeping people’s attention away from your actions—is to be the one thing they cannot take their eyes off of.

Now, while I’m sure this sounds a little contradictive, just roll with me. You need to avert the people’s focus; if it’s on you, then it’s not on what you’re doing behind them, so to speak. (It doesn’t necessarily mean you are literally doing something behind them).

My suggestions:

-Stand on a table and break out into song

-Recite Shakespeare (No one knows what it means, so you’ll create the art of confusion. Their brains will be so fuzzy they won’t know how to react!)

-Make a grand entrance, a dramatic exit, and be obnoxiously dramatic in-between. As long as you have their attention, they won’t notice your scheming plans.

You may be wondering how this concept came to my mind. Well, I’ll tell you. I was reading a book. Don’t you just hate when the characters in a book you’re reading do something so stupid you wish you could rewrite the scene?! (Maybe that’s just me.) This was one of those times, and I thought: what they need is a not-so-obvious obvious distraction. If the main character can keep her captors enthralled for long enough, her friends can surround the room with guns and voila, a winner!!!

But, of course, these things don’t occur in real life. Unless you happen to be a top-secret spy for the CIA; then they do, I have clearance to know that. (And by clearance I mean that I’ve watched it on the television.)

So what better way to distract people then to have all eyes on you? I have not yet put this into practice, but I’m confident in its results. No one expects it; no one will think that the person drawing all of the attention is the one person who is going to destroy them all. Mwah haha haha!

Or they’ll figure it out right off the bat and think you’re a moron. It’s really a 50/50 shot with these kinds of things.

Oh well. I’d like to think that this is my maniacal side at work, but if she’s anything like my regular side, I guess she’s pretty ordinary.  But everyone knows you need ordinary to spell extraordinary!!!

Until we speak again. Forever and Average,



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