Dirty Jokes Anonymous: I’d Ride Your Raptor

Welcome to DJA, a place where dirty minds can find comfort amongst people of their own kind. This week’s addition is coming to you from Cedar Point (the theme park in Illinois) where you can find two of our dirty minds hard at work on a new joke. Let’s take a look!

You remember Mazda–the girl named after the car–and here’s Knix. She’s a superstar in both softball and baseball and before you ask, yes, she was named after the New York team; her parent’s just found a more “inventive” way to spell it. So they say. Hmmm…

Cedar Point for teenagers is like…a heard of sheep for a dragon: heaven on earth. So why not go on every ride possible? Well, it just so happened that the day we were in this extraordinarily inventive place, it was incredibly windy. So much so that the three biggest (and best) rides were closed for business. No more Dragster, Millennium Force, or Raptor for you!!!

Or so we thought.

Close to mid-afternoon the Raptor opened up to the public and our hopes rose. Then they fell again when it closed thirty minutes later. Then they rose when it opened back up an hour after that. Then they fell when it closed fifteen minutes later. Then rose when it opened again-again forty minutes after that. And on and on it went.

Well, Mazda and Knix were just not having that. They were going to get in line and they were going to RIDE the Raptor. So they waited while the rest of us meandered around the park. It was upon their return to our little pow-wow that we were told the tale of the two very attractive gents who had come up in line behind them and chatted them up. I don’t particularly remember everything about them, only that one had converse and the laces were coming undone (I remember because they got caught in the roller coaster track and his shoe went flying off) (the Raptor is a hanging roller coaster FYI). I’m just kidding, his shoe didn’t come off because it got caught in the track (I think that would have taken his foot off too). No, but his shoe did fall off.

Poor sucker, had to walk through the park with only one shoe. One-Shoe Dude was going barefoot for the rest of the day!

Where was I??? Oh, right. The dirty joke part. According to Mazda and Knix these boys were on the attractive level of…I don’t know…someone really attractive. So rather than the usual, blah phrase: “I’d tap that.” It was exchanged for the more mature–and let’s face it–totally more original: “I’d ride your Raptor.”

From said moment forth we have used this phrase within our own vocabularies as a wonderful and universal euphemism for other things and such.

And there you have it. Another installment from Dirty Jokes Anonymous (even though this is definitely the first post I’ve ever made about it). I hope this has provided all dirty minded readers with the support and knowledge that you are not alone! There are others like you in the world. All you have to do is keep reading this blog. I’m sure you’ll meet more eventually.

Until then: peace, love, and Cocoa Puffs,

Mel

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