Hello beautiful readers!

So, I definitely did not use my big-girl brain the other day, because I just realized that this weekend I am moving back to school. So, on the first weekend of my new posting schedule, I can’t post. Great. I hope you can forgive me and accept this early post as a replacement!

I also feel it’s necessary that I point how absolutely (not) hilarious I am. Today, I went to lunch with my sister and she was giving me examples of a bunch of Laffy Taffy jokes that have been going around the high school, (and by that I mean jokes that are really, really corny). To give you an illustration–

1) Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the idiot’s house.

Knock, knock–

who’s there?

the chicken

and 2) If there’s a mommy corn and a baby corn, what’s the daddy corn’s name?

Popcorn!

(Ah hahahaha…but not really)

My obvious response to this was to say that anyone could make up a joke; easy as pie. She then dared me to do just that, and what did my super clever self come up with? This hideously embarrassing joke:

What’s do you call a corn who plays Uno?

A Unocorn.

Haha…oh. That’s so sad. (I know). Pity party of one? Yeah, that’s me. But that’s not even what this post is about. I just thought I’d let you in on my mad joke-making skills before my sister buried me in my own shame.

Since I’ve been home, I’ve had a chance to visit my sister and a few of my old teachers at my high school. As I was roaming the halls (more like dodging the cameras so I wouldn’t get caught by a hall monitor–I swear our’s are ninjas) I realized that the rules of high school trickery haven’t changed much since I graduated.

So I thought I would pass along my keen knowledge and skill to any pre-high school graduates who might find these tips useful. Ready for this? Let’s go!

1) Walking without a hall pass?  Came in late and now you’re trying to stall so you don’t actually have to go to your first hour? Walk with a purpose. If you power walk with intense eyes and extreme focus, it is very likely that you will not be stopped. Hall monitors (and the guys watching on the cameras–and they do exist because I was with Mazda when she got caught using her phone once) are looking for kids dawdling about. If you walk with a purpose, even if it’s only to the bathroom and back, you should be good to go. This is probably the best tip I can give you. 

2) Gain a few teacher friends. They come in very handy and will help you out in a tight spot. Like when the evil hall monitor lady creeper stalks you to your class because she’s convinced you don’t have a pass. Then the teacher’s all: Mel would never do that! And you’re all: Phew, because I actually don’t have a pass. Oops.

3) Teachers aren’t stupid. Unlike what seems to be the mindset of most students, they were not raised in the stone age. They can tell when you are texting under your desk. Sorry to disappoint the vast majority of high school students, but here it is: you suck at hiding it. Big time. When your wrists are moving and you are staring at your lap, it is very clear that you are texting. So, my tip for you: learn to text without looking. I actually know people who can do this very well, and it is as close to foolproof as you can get with something like this. If you’re meeting the teacher’s eye, they don’t tend to notice that your hands are moving.

Oh, and if you’re watching a film in class. Don’t use your phone. You glow like a bloody UFO. Then you’re just being that one tool that everyone hates.

And here concludes the first three tips. I have an inkling more shall come in the soon-ish future!

Au Revoir, Ciao, Auf Wiedersehen, Aloha, Peace out suckers!

Mel