Disney’s Got Their %!#@ On Lock

So, I feel like I have been neglecting you lovely people of late, and thus I am writing another post. Why? Because I can. And because clearly, if you are reading this, you are super-totally-awesome. It’s true.

My amigo, Crystal (if her name sounds familiar it’s because I’ve talked about her before–find her bio on the Meet the Characters page of this blog), just got back from a trip to the most magical place on Earth. If you guessed DISNEYLAND, you’re…wrong. Because it’s definitely DISNEY WORLD. But that’s okay, good try 🙂

Whilst at a party, she was telling us some of her Disney tales; the first of which was that her journey started with some massive turbulence on the airplane (something that probably would have sent me into shock), and ending with the story of how she passed out in Magic Kingdom while in line for one of the rides, and a pregnant nurse-lady (who was a guest at the park, mind you), leaped over the fence to reach her. But now I’m getting ahead of myself.

First, if you’ve never been to Disney World, there are a couple of things you need to know.

1) Disney is literally (and I do mean that literally) the safest place on Earth. They don’t tell you, but secretly every person who works there is trained in black ops and has three martial arts degrees with certifications in CPR, PEA, and SOS. Okay, so not all of that is true and I may have made up some of the acronyms, but it’s very close.

and 2) Disney does not mess around if there is a sick/missing person anywhere in their parks or lodges. In fact, they go into super lock-down within minutes of someone being reported missing, and they give sick guests no choice but to get checked out by their on-staff doctors immediately.

From what Crystal told us, her experience was similar (kind of) to mine. She ended up passing out in the Disney park (intro the line-jumping pregnant nurse mom–a.k.a. Awesome Lady), and was taken away in a wheelchair and tucked into one of the secret Disney alcoves (places hidden within the park that house First Aid medical equipment where the doctors can give the patient anywhere from a Mickey Mouse Band-Aid to an IV if necessary).

While I wasn’t in the park when I got sick, I was in one of the Disney lodges where the first-aid responders are just as quick and efficient.  When Rupee’s mom went down to ask the front desk where the nearest hospital was located (I was extremely tired and dizzy. We found out later that it was due to vertigo, severe dehydration, and heat stroke. That’s how I roll), the manager immediately wanted to call in the paramedics, and not only that, but he wanted to (and I kid you not) helivac me out of the resort to the hospital.

Yes, as in helicopter.

I was like: Thanks, but…um…I’m going to say no to that one. Seriously, Disney was not about to have any sick people in their park/resort area. They were going to do whatever it took to make me feel better as fast as possible (so I could go spend the rest of my life’s savings on their merchandise, but we’ll pretend not to know that little fact.) It was pretty incredible.

Just as a funny digression, you should watch this video about a guy who used to work at Disney when he was a teenager. I think it’s hilarious.


No, but really, Disney World really is magical.


P.S. Just as a quick side note, but if you or anyone you know is planning a trip to Disney World (or Disneyland) always make sure you (or they) are well stocked with water bottles. That is where I (and my friends) in general ran into the most trouble. It is really important that you stay well hydrated because there is so much walking, and the sun can be really freaking hot. Also, the Disney park drinks themselves can be really expensive. I highly suggest bringing your own waters in a small bag or backpack that you can carry around with you. Okay, public service announcement over.


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