So, I definitely promised this post a while ago and it’s just now coming. Sorry about that.

If you remember a couple of posts ago, I listed the “morals” (a.k.a. my general observations) of some of the classic Disney movies that I watched growing up. Mainly, I talked about my biggest take-aways from the films; most of which, I’m sure, were not intended by the film’s writers and creators. But, hey, that’s not my problem.

Anyhoot, I thought I’d do another one of these little charmers but with Disney and Pixar, because we can’t leave these guys out if we’re talking about Disney. So, without further ado, here’s what I learned from the Disney and Pixar movies growing up.

Disney and Pixar Morals Summed Up

• Toy Story (1, 2, &3): All of my toys come alive whenever I am not in my bedroom. This I find slightly terrifying. Accepting this as fact would also make Chucky plausible, and that is something I NEVER want to experience. Way to give me nightmares forever, Disney and Pixar. And was there a need to make Sid’s toy’s so scary?

I don’t think ‘tho.

Sorry for the random (and vague) movie quote. I couldn’t help myself.

• A Bug’s Life: Ants are really smart. As in take-over-the-world smart. It kind of reminds me of the mastermind cockroaches from that one episode of the Fairly Odd Parents. Basically, what I got from this movie is that it isn’t aliens and/or ancient Mayan calendars that are bringing on the apocalypse, but bugs. The Egyptians have got it right. Again I say terrifying.
• Monsters Inc.: Monsters are, in fact, scary. Thank you for clarifying that, Disney and Pixar. Plus, Medusa is actually really nice. The Greeks had it wrong.

• Finding Nemo: When searching for a missing child, it is of the utmost importance that you make sure to bring along the comic relief (thank you Ellen Degeneres). Because, otherwise, you might…I don’t know…start feeling bad for LOSING YOUR CHILD TO A BUNCH OF HUNTERS. In the human world, isn’t that kind of like letting your child get kidnapped by a human trafficking organization? So, in the end:

             

• Cars: Screw humans, technology is going to take over the world. If you’ve never seen the YouTube video by Cracked where they discuss this, I highly suggest you check it out. Terrifying. AGAIN! (Viewer discretion may be advised. I can’t remember.) But it’s all about Pixar. What luck!

• The Incredibles: No one will recognize you if you wear a small black mask. Oh, and if you want a boy to notice you, wear a headband. And have purple eyes that match your name. It also couldn’t hurt to have super powers.

Great…so is that why I don’t have a boyfriend?

Oh, it’s because I’m weird?

Okay, got it!

• Wall-e: Humans suck. Technology will take over the world. Technology is more compassionate than humans. Is anyone else beginning to sense a pattern? Are Disney and Pixar trying to tell us something??? Should I be concerned? Oh, heck, I already am.
• Up: Tying a crap-ton of balloons to your house will lift it into the sky. What lies! Balloons couldn’t even lift me up when I was a kid–trust me, I tried–and you want me to believe they can lift a house? Boo! Also, putting a cone on your dog really does shame them. It’s quite funny actually. And sad. So sad…

• Brave: It’s okay to turn your mother into a bear as long as you feel bad afterwards. And on that note, it’s also okay to talk with creepy strangers in the woods as long as they’re old women (I mean, hey, Snow White did it and she got a prince out of the deal), and can give you whatever you want by using magic. You would think these girls would learn by now that creepy people in the woods CANNOT be trusted. Have they never heard of Stranger Danger??? And if someone is promising “magic”, then it is very likely it’s also a crack house. Or a pedophile’s home.

I’m just saying.

Yep, these were all of my take-aways from the films. I’m glad I learned so much practical information as a child. It definitely didn’t make my expectations of the world unrealistic at all. That was sarcasm, if you couldn’t tell by my extreme disappointment. Although, you can’t currently see my sobbing face, but if you could then you would definitely be able to tell.

So sad! Why did you lie to me all of these years?!?!

Mel