So the other day when I found myself around some slightly tipsy folks, I thought: oh, what a better time for an interview? Right? And not just any interview, but an interview about Disney! Who tells the truth better than a drunk person? The following interview is one that I held (while sober–I fell like that is important to point out) with some slightly inebriated folks about what they learned from watching Disney movies growing up, and other things.
Disney by Drunk People: An Interview
What is your favorite Disney movie?
Person 1: The Lion King
Person 2: Mulan and the Seven Dwarfs
Person 3: Meet the Robinsons
What did it teach you?
P1: The Circle of Life.
P2: To be Asian.
P3: To keep moving forward.
What did Disney (as a whole) teach you?
P1: To be hot.
P2: To be white.
P3: How to be an adult.
If you could describe Disney in one word, what would it be?
P1 & P2: Magical
If someone didn’t know about Disney, how would you describe it?
P1: It makes all your dreams come true.
P2: Be a size double zero.
P3: If you’re a girl you should kill yourself.
If you were a princess, who would you be and why?
P1: Cinderella, because she’s sexy as hell.
P2: Mulan, because Asians are sexy.
P3: Ariel, because she’s a mermaid and the prettiest.
If you could tell one of the princesses something, what would it be?
P1: Be a lesbian.
P2: Don’t sleep around, you’ll get STDs.
P3: Mulan should try a little make-up. She looks the same as a boy and a girl.
Who is the best Prince and why?
P1: Hercules, because he’s a half god. And I bet he has a big…
P3: I don’t know any princesses…
If you could make a Disney movie, what would it be about?
P1: Lesbians and gay people in a love triangle foursome.
P2: Interracial marriage and babies.
P3: A white person and a black person get married and have an Asian baby.
(Although, might I insert that person 3 stole this from the Rodgers and Hammerstein Cinderella where Whoopi Goldberg-the Queen-and Victor Garber–the King–have and Asian son. Was I the only one who grew up thinking that’s how it worked???)
What is the biggest moral lesson you have learned from Disney?
P2: Keep on dreaming because usually life sucks.
P3: To be a beautiful person. Because if you’re not pretty, you won’t get far in life.
The interview then ended abruptly after one of the interviewees–who must have mentally digressed from the line of questioning–stumped us with this question:
“How would you bang Ariel? Because…you know…she’s a mermaid…”