My Life as a Disney Kid: Telling Us Apart

Here ends the series, My Life as a Disney Kid, (at least for now), and I thought, what better way to close out than by describing a theorem that will change your life? And by that, I mean it won’t affect you in any way except maybe to make you think “oh, hey, I never thought about that…”

The End.

What a great start. Please excuse the stupidness that is happening right now, I had to take some pretty heavy-duty medication (and NO that is not a secret term for illegal drugs or marijuana, thank you very much) in order to get rid of a migraine, so some of this might sound strange. That is only because this medication is making me super tired and, at this point, I’m way too lazy to spell check.

Anyhoot, I thought I would end this series with something I witnessed growing up–something that I wonder if any of you thought about too. And that is: How to tell Disney, Nickelodeon, and Cartoon Network kids apart. In my neck of the woods, these channels were the main three that every kid watched, and EVERY kid had their favorite. It was the channel with their favorite shows on it, forcing their knowledge of every theme song ever created in that channel’s existence.

Thus, my young brain, which was always trying to figure people out (in the down time while I wasn’t changing the world…in my novels…), was determined to  figure out where these children fit into the world along with myself. This is what I discovered.

76.4% of children who watched the Disney Channel grew up to become charismatic, popular, good communicators. They mainly preside in occupational fields such as lawyers, dentists, politicians, doctors, news anchors, and veterinarians.

88.2% of children who watched Cartoon Network grew up with strengths in creativity, art, and theater. They mainly preside in occupational fields such as artists, actors, art gallery owners, socialites (if that’s an occupation…hey, the Kardashians are doing it), graphic designers, and Broadway stars.

69.9% of children who watched Nickelodeon growing up are now funny, energetic, engaging, and upbeat. They hold many popular occupations such as comedians, race car drivers, extreme sports activists, hosts of wildlife television shows, and chain restaurant owners.

You might be asking yourself: what happened to the other percentages of kids who watched those channels and didn’t become lawyers, actors, or race car drivers? What happened to them? Well, let me tell you:

The other 30.1% of people who watched Nickelodeon now hold positions as garbage truck drivers (due to the fact that they thought humor was enough to live life), and/or they are stay at home parents with kids as equally outrageous as they are.

The 11.8% or individuals who watched Cartoon Network and didn’t become famous actors and artists now work on off-Broadway, wallowing in the pity-party that is their not-so-pitiful lives. Or they own a pet store so that their lack of recognition is created trivial by the adorableness that is the puppies. LOOK AT THE PUPPIES!!!

On those other 23.6% of people who watched Disney Channel…? Well… they ended up like this:

If you were wondering, yes, I did just write that whole post as a lead up to my final punch line. I thought it was funny 🙂

But,seriously, I’m kidding (for the most part) about all of this. You are all smart people, but just in case *cough*whisper*: yeah, those statistics weren’t real. I made them up with my brain. Seriously, though, try putting these things together in your own life; kids you grew up with, where they are now, and what shows they watched as a kid. It’s weird; patterns will emerge.

How strange…



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s