Ross vs. Dan: My Future in Fictional Characters

You know those online quizzes you can take? Buzzfeed, that one website that starts with a “q” that’s slipping my mind… Well, you know. Anyway, I can’t help but think that the creators of those quizzes are uniting against me. Why? Because every time I take one it just results in one ultimate self-discovery…

That I, Mel, am in fact–

Boring.

Well, I already knew that, but THEY DIDN’T HAVE TO REINFORCE THAT POOR CHARACTER TRAIT!

The other day I took one to discover what Gossip Girl character I would be. I got Dan.

Okay, sure, that doesn’t surprise me. I pretty much am Dan, just much less successful and douche-baggy. (Because, really, he–

*My parents just interrupted the writing of this blog post to say “We found this at Lowe’s, here you go.” It’s glow in the dark batman duct tape. I AM SO EXCITED! They know me so well 🙂

What was I talking about?

I was okay with Dan, I could handle Dan, but then I took a quiz about which FRIENDS character I was.

I got Ross.

Ross.

Don’t get me wrong, I love every character in that show. Because that show is fabulous. But how on earth is it that out of every person I could have gotten, it just had to be Ross. I wanted to be Pheobe!!! Am I anything like Pheobe? Of course not, she’s much more interesting than I am, but do I want to face the reality and admit that I’m Ross? No!

And besides, what is this supposed to tell me about my future?! Oh god, I’m going to be divorced twice, and then end up getting married to a close friend. Except all of my close guy friends are gay…

Does this mean I’m going to have two gay husbands?

Is this the future I am supposed to look forward to?

Okay, fine, I’ll go back to being douchebag Dan. At least he ended up with a book deal.

So thank you creators of the Buzzfeed quizzes for trying to tell me the truth about myself via quizzes about fictional characters. With all due respect, I am going to ignore you.

Sincerely,

Mel

 

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