I’ve been compiling a list of these things for a little while now as they occur to me, and I thought I would share them with you. If you could experience the frustration of at least one of these things with me, I would greatly appreciate it. So I know I am not alone living an awkward, average life 🙂

5 Things That Feel Like the End of the World But [Probably] Aren’t

#1) Running out of contact solution when you still have a contact left in your eye.

I feel like this is just one, massive, karmic slap in the face. Although, karma implies that you’ve done something to deserve such a tragic experience. I can hardly see, as is, with one contact in and one in the case, and now you are telling me that the second contact can’t even be removed because there is no solution left?

What kind of nonsense…?

Reasonable solutions might be to share whatever contact solution is left, or (though you are not supposed to) put both contacts in the same section of the case and buy more solution tomorrow. Only, wait for it—

My eyes are two different prescriptions, so that won’t work.

I’m telling you. It really is the [almost] end of the world. So cruel.

Level of Irritation: 

Really sad Taylor Lautner. 

#2) When you get the hiccups while brushing your teeth.

This could apply to many other situations, I think. Basically, hiccups are forever inconvenient; whatever you are doing when you get them. (Ehem–how many of you just made a dirty joke in your head?) (Oh, was it just me…? Awkward. Moving on.)

This has happened to me about three times in the past month. Why? What did I do to deserve this? I’m just trying to get ready for bed, for sleep–an activity I quite enjoy–and I get the hiccups.

Hiccups are the body’s natural reaction to some kind of change in one’s breathing pattern, right? Maybe that’s an extreme summation, but still, I was breathing normally!

Why do hiccups even exist? Who needs regulated breathing. What if we all had irregular breathing?!

Maybe that’s the secret to how mermaids breathe. What if the only thing in the way of humans becoming mermaids is hiccups? I would be so pissed. Though, obviously they do live underwater, so that’s another issue, but Ariel did not have gills, so– I’m suspicious.

And what about that Australian wind instrument? The Didgeridoo. There is no way you are going to tell me that the people who play the Didgeridoo don’t get hiccups all the time. Lies. Just lies.

Level of Irritation:

Emma Stone when she found out the Spice Girls weren’t coming.

#3) Stubbing your pinky toe.

Like, sure, they exist for balance, but what does the pinky toe really do? It gets stubbed. All the time. If you ask me, this is why they are so short and ugly. Because over the course of history, humans have stubbed this toe so many times it has become deformed and tiny. Quivering in fear upon seeing every bedpost, sharp corner edge, chair leg, stair, banister, door, and computer cord. (What? It happens.)

Feet, if you ask me, are just weird in general. But that pinky toe is just some other kind of freaky. You don’t want to look at it too hard or for too long because then you start thinking about things. Important things. Philosophical things.

I’m lying. It just looks even weirder the longer you stare at it.

The things I do for you while I am writing these posts, I swear!

Level of Irritation: 

Fed up Stanley.

#4) When you are watching Cupcake Wars and they cut to commercial before telling you the winner.

Even though this happens on every reality show ever, it still makes me extremely mad every time it happens. They have to keep you hooked, right, I get it, but how rude is that?

I’ve stayed with your freaking t.v. show all this time. I watched those people cooking. I watched the commercials trying to sell me cookware I don’t need. I even watched all of the commercials about all of the restaurants I can’t afford, selling their fancy food, and NOW, right when we’re about to get the resolution to the big question of the episode…

You go to yet another commercial break.

Rude. Just rude.

I just want to know if Jerry’s french toast vanilla coffee souffle cupcake is going to win, or if it’s going to be Susan’s pistachio ice cream mocha chocolate cherry cupcake. Okay? This is 55 minutes of my time I have given you. Do you know what a person can do in 55 minutes? You can watch 2.8 episodes of friends in 55 minutes. You can bake multiple batches of cupcakes in 55 minutes. I could eat 4 dinners in 55 minutes if I really wanted to. (I eat quickly.)

But no, I sacrificed my precious time for you, and you repay me by cutting to a commercial right before I am able to get the answer to the question that has haunted my mind for the last 55 minutes?

Oh, I could just–!

Level of Irritation:

Voldemort. Cause I’m about to Avada Kadavra all y’all’s asses! 

#5) Reading Charles Dickens’ Bleak House for five straight hours. I’m not a huge Dickens fan to begin with, but kudos to those who are. I am more than willing to concede the fact that he is a very talented, influential, and important author. But people came to that conclusion long before me.

He’s just not my personal favorite.

And five hours of Bleak House? Well, the title of the novel is about as accurate as you can get. 1,000 pages on the Condition of England and the Law. I think my brain might have melted a little bit. I can hear it sloshing in my ears. Or maybe that’s just my attention span.

Level of Irritation:

Barney

to Boo

to this bunny.

Mel