I've been compiling a list of these things for a little while now as they occur to me, and I thought I would share them with you. If you could experience the frustration of at least one of these things with me, I would greatly appreciate it. So I know I am not alone living … Continue reading 5 Things That Feel Like the End of the World But [Probably] Aren’t
This is Gary. He is a Tree Nut Sesame Cat. A rarity among mutant mammals, and with sightings numbering in the zero range for the last twenty-one years, he is an evil creation. An unfortunate myth. A nightmare that comes to torment me at the most unlikely of times. He is the black knight of allergens … Continue reading The Epic Adventure of the Tree Nut Sesame Cat
This is it. The last tale in the Theme Park Chronicles. Not that I have been calling it that this entire time, I just thought it sounded pretty intense for the last bit. Chronicles is such a meaty word, don't you think? Pretty epic. But that is so not the point of anything right now. … Continue reading Terrors of a Tower and a Whole Bunch of Other Nonsense
Rumor has it that all princesses disappear throughout the Disney parks at the setting of the sun. Almost like Cinderella at midnight, but even more dramatic. Disney does love drama. But what about the princes? No one ever tells you how hard it is to find a freaking PRINCE AT DISNEY WORLD! Now, you might be thinking... … Continue reading Why is it SO HARD to Find a Prince?
“Are we really going to ride this?” I ask, not even attempting to hide the skepticism in my voice as I stare up at the little fish swimming in a mechanical circle above us, lifting and dropping at the will of the steel arms parading them through the sky. The colors are vivid, abrasive against … Continue reading Water Rides Should Be Well-Marked
So I have decided to kick off my month of theme-park related posts with the most downtrodden among them. Why? Because I can! And because I'm a firm believer in saving the best for last. Which doesn't at all mean that this post is bad, by any means. In fact, I think it's quite good. … Continue reading The Most Depressing Thing About Amusement Parks
Okay, so hear me out. My leg has been hurting all day, and originally I thought my knee was the source of the pain, but two seconds ago when I got out of the shower I noticed a strange bruise on my leg. NO, I discovered, this was not a bruise at all, but a … Continue reading My Parents Definitely Didn’t Tell Me I Was Born a Cyborg