Let’s not pretend that college is a peaceful, magical place where nobody says anything mean and unicorns float on rainbows and puffy clouds as light streams gracefully through the sky, and everybody is happy and wears pink.

Frankly, I’m not sure why anyone would want that to begin with; it sounds a little freaky to me.

But really, college kids can be ruthless.

If you’ve already been to college, then you are well aware of this fact. If you have not achieved college standing as of yet–don’t say I didn’t warn you.

#1 rule when you’re at college: Don’t EVER leave your door unlocked. EVER!

If you do, people will pull all of your stuff out into the hall just to laugh at you as you are forced to replace everything back to where it was. (FYI–none of these things has happened to me (yet), but they did happen on my floor.)

#2: It’s a generically good idea NOT to get into fights and/or annoy the people on the floor. Say the wrong thing and they’ll throw a bucket of ice-cold water on you as you’re taking a shower. That, or they’ll spray shaving cream on you after you’ve just taken a shower. Or, most likely, both.

#3: Coupons for pizza delivery will make people love you forever. (If you’re a girl–so will nail-polish). Or maybe boys too, whatever floats your boat.

Those are the rules I have learned so far, but I am positive there will be more to come. It is a strange place, college. But don’t worry, my average stories will still come to you in all of their glory. Perhaps they will be from the present, or perhaps I will reach into my distant (yet still average) past. I guess you’ll just have to wait and see.

Forever and Average,

Mel